Friday, 12 August 2011

I know it's been a while, but life has been keeping me quite busy. Exams, and other things.

A few days ago, I was at a point where I thought I couldn't possibly write my term paper. Ever. I was desperate enough to e-mail the lecturer about it, and his answer, although it wasn't what I had wanted to hear, was the very thing I needed to hear. It was kind, but pretty strightforward. He recommened seeking advice from a fellow student who had already handed in her paper, and seeing him during his office hours to discuss further questions I might have.

That was totally unexpected. I had always thought of him as some weirdo who's out of touch with reality. Once again, thas was an encounter that really taught me something: Don't judge people.

Well, a few days later I finally wrote an e-mail to this fellow student of mine, and her willingness to help me really impressed me. So it seems it's not me against the world, as I'd thought.

I'm very thankful for this lesson of life. :)

Friday, 8 July 2011

On Thursday, one of my lecturers had me take an exam that I hadn't even signed up for. I objected, but he said it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. And he promised he would answer all questions regarding vocab I didn't know. So I did give it a try.

Today, he handed it back to me, and - wow! - top score! That really, really made my day! I think I wrote it before, but I just have to repeat it because it's so true:

That lecturer knows how to encourage his students to always try their best!

Thursday, 7 July 2011

I realized that it's a little unrealistic for me to write a blog post each single day. I think I'll only be posting when I feel like it from now on.

I took my Latin Grammar exam on Tuesday, and I was surprised at how easy it was.

Wednesday morning, I got up, still undecided whether I wanted to take my Greek exam that day or the week after (which would have given me more time to study). I finally decided to actually take it that day. And I was so glad I did. When I handed in my exam, the lecturer quickly skimmed through it, and then said:

Very good.

Wow. What a nice thing to hear. Afterwards, I spent almost an hour talking to her and a fellow student, mostly about our studies. And during that conversation:

That awkward moment when you realize that the professor whose lectures you dislike the most is the Ph. D. superviser of one of your lecturers, and she pretty much shares your view that he is kinda weird.

College is funny sometimes.

Monday, 4 July 2011

and the rumors aren't rumors anymore ...

the uncertainty was unbearable
but your answer didn' t make things
any better

my concerns have been proven to be true

paths meeting
wink of an eye
moving apart
and you're gone

such is life
they say
just move on

and it hurts to hear that
but I guess it's actually true

the very moment
my world seemed to fall apart
into a thousand, a million pieces
when I was about to immerge myself
in neverending darkness

he came along
he didn't even notice me
but I felt the world light up around me again

for some reason, I'd been thinking of him all day

and there he was
a silent reminder
that life is precious

every second of it

Friday, 1 July 2011

I feel like I repeat myself all the time in regard to a few things. Like this Latin metrics class I have Friday noon. But I just can't get over it. I still vividly remember sitting in another seminar at the very beginning of this semester and thinking to myself:

I have no idea what this lecturer is talking about... And I don't think I'm ever going to get this metrics stuff.

But here I am - four months later - and I've made so much progress. And most of it was thanks to one amazing lecturer. And I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Literature exam was not as bad as I'd expected. I was able to answer a little more than 50% of the questions, and that's all it takes to pass. Goal achieved.

And for once, I attended Latin Grammar on a Thursday, because, as I said, I'd taken Tuesday afternoon off from college. I was surprised at how easy it was. It seems there is finally an exam that I'm actually well-prepared for.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

How come printers always stop working when you're desperately trying to print the summaries (yay Roman Literature) you're supposed to memorize by the next morning? Oh, the irony of life, but in a funny way. This day has taught me two things:

1) If you procrastinate studying for an exam until the very last evening, make sure to at least have all the materials you need.

2) If you plan on not attending a voluntary college class that you usually attend, don't tell the tutor only a few hours before (as I did yesterday). If they end up sitting in the classroom all by themselves because they didn't know no one else was going to be there, they'll get a bit mad at you because, you know, they would have liked to go to the swimming pool as well.

Mental note taken. I promise to do better next time, at least regarding the second point. :)

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

It was the last time I was going to meet up with "my" girls before summer break, and we decided to meet up with a few girls from another school for a barbecue. Only one girl from my school actually showed up, though. But we had a fantastic afternoon (I had taken a few hours off from college) with amazing home-made salads, grilled vegetables and vegan ice cream.

Monday, 27 June 2011

He's such an inspiring, beautiful person.

I can't believe today was his last lecture for this semester. He's taught me so much about myself... and about others. About humans in general. I've learned many things and I was made aware of a lot of things I hadn't thought about much before.

He's been a ray of light in this otherwise rather colorless world called college. And I told him so. And again, his reaction was so beautiful. Again, he told me how much it means to him.

New lectures will come, new problems - no; new challenges - will arise. And I will meet them. I will have the courage to do so because he's taught me what it means to be on fire for what you believe in.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

The sermon this morning was about the very same Psalm I stumbled upon a week ago. (Psalm 139)

It's amazing how sometimes I read a bit of scripture somewhere, and it keeps coming back to me when I'm about to forget about it again.

No matter what I do, no matter where I am, He is always there. I make mistakes, I stumble, I fall. But it's my wish to be filled completely with the certainty that He will never forsake me. And with the strength I have in Him, I will always be able to get back up again.


A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

(Hillsong - From The Inside Out)

Saturday, 25 June 2011

We had drama practice today. I wasn't feeling that well. I was a bit sick and not really satisfied with my work. But at the end of the practice, when we were talking for a bit, our stage director came up to me and thanked me for being there. I jokingly said: Thanks for what? For not being on time... again?

But he had no idea how much it meant to me, how these few kind words made my day.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Today I realized how much progress I've made in this semester. I was really frightened, of Latin metrics especially, at the beginning of the semester. And now it's almost over and I have learned quite a bit.



And I spent the night at the (in)famous gym of my former school, where we have drama practice each Saturday. Our fifth graders had their "reading night", a tradition that has formed over the past two or three years. A couple teachers, two former students and a bunch of kids... We had lots of fun... And sleeping is overrated anyway. ;-)

Thursday, 23 June 2011

I was feeling kind of sick, but I still had a great day.

The seminar in the morning was awesome (it usually is) and I made it through the lecture I had afterwards alive! I spent the afternoon with "my" girls at school and the evening with a friend.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

An ordinary Wednesday, and I'm running out of ordinary things to write about my ordinary Wednesdays. But at least, if it was ordinary, it means it wasn't horrible or anything. :D

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

For the first time, I had the courage to voluntarily present a sentence I had translated in front of my fellow students. What a glorious day for me, the girl with the huge self-esteem issues! And I had even got the sentence right for the most part! The entire seminar was so much fun! :)

Really, imagine me saying that! Latin Grammar - FUN! Made my day.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Two milkshakes, four crazy people, one blurry photograph taken by a lady sitting next to us, and photo editing software. Priceless. Once again, the simple things in life...

The best way to kill time before a lecture. ;-)

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Today I was completely overwhelmed by a text I read once again after a long time. I don't think I have much to add. It speaks clearly for itself:

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139, 1-12 (NIV)

Saturday, 18 June 2011

I really, really love our drama practices! I can't even say much about them, because they are much more to me than words could ever express. I love how our drama group is a place for so many quite different people to come together and work on something truly wonderful. As I wrote earlier, there is a sense of belonging that I've only experienced with fellow believers at church before. It is really beyond words.

Friday, 17 June 2011

Today I had the chance to meet up with a former classmate who moved abroad to go to college. It was lovely to finally see her again and just talk about so many different things. It's great to know that, even when you're far apart physically, friendships with the people that mean a lot to you remain. :)

But it's important to take the time to stay in touch. In this day and age it's really not that hard, thanks to technology. Social networks, e-mails, instant messenging... They also serve as reminders to message certain people from time to time.

But what about God? Isn't it similar when it comes to my relationship with Him? I can't see Him, He's not physically present, but He is here with me, no matter where I am and what I'm doing. But I need to invest time into my relationship with Him. I keep forgetting about that. (It's kind of weird how you could actually forget about something like that...)

So I'm glad about being reminded. :)

Thursday, 16 June 2011

I didn't have time to do any translations on Thursday evening because of the summer party, but that didn't even get me in trouble. It has happened so many times before:

I don't get to finish my translation in the evening, and the next morning I literally get asked about the last few lines I got around to! It's kinda funny. And apart from this special occasion, it happens each time I decide to attend our Wednesday evening church meeting.

I always come home exhausted, but I get a double reward in some way: I get to spend time with my brothers and sisters from church, and I don't get in trouble for not finishing my translations.

That doesn't mean God invites me to be lazy, it just means that I have to work to the best of my abilities and leave the rest up to Him. Because I know He makes all things turn out the right way. :)

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Today I attended a summer party at college. I'd been rather nervous to go there because I knew hardly any of the people there. I had been invited by a fellow student and she just didn't accept any excuses. But I'm so glad she didn't.

The food was delicious and quite extraordinary (Hetite Bulgur soup, anyone?), and even more important: I got to know a few really interesting people. And what I'd thought before has been confirmed once again:

Indo-Europeanists are crazy, but in a funny and quite charming way. :)

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

You could call this a pretty nice day at college. We got our results of the grammar mock exam, and I noticed that I'd actually done pretty well. The seminar in the evening was pointless as always, but the lecturer let us leave 45 minutes early, and I'm sure nobody was too sad about that. And he didn't even complain about the people who hadn't done their translations.

Nothing extraordinary happened, but sometimes even the common things are exciting enough to be remembered. :)

Monday, 13 June 2011

Pentecost - one of the essential holidays of the year. From time to time I'm glad to be reminded again what being a Christian actually means.

I had a day off from college which I spent with my family and a friend of mine. We dedided to eat out, and spent way too much money on Greek food, but it was delicious. And I think I should allow myself treats like that from time to time.

I didn't really think about the meaning of that day a lot, but now, looking back, I am glad there are days like this. Days that could hardly be filled with more meaning. Pentecost - the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the disciples of Christ.

What I like to think of most when I am down is that the Holy Spirit is also called the Comforter.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. (John 14:16-17, NIV)

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Another ordinary Sunday, or maybe not that ordinary at all, because Sundays are never just ordinary. Time to calm down, to escape the madness of college, and to be myself. Because God knows me so well that there's no point in pretending to be someone else. I love Him, and I need Him, more than anything or anyone else.


some time ago, the shadow of despair fell over me
the world I knew turned dark and cold
You took me in, and the warmth of Your love surrounded me
and since that time I've never been the same

'cause without You my life would be a song without a melody
without You my life would be a poem without words
can't You see that my existence entirely depends on You
yes, it's true, 'cause I got you

because of You my days are brighter than they were before
I see the sunshine even in the rain
You are the One, I have given You my life and You know
that it's the best thing that I have ever done

'cause without You my life would be a song without a melody
without You my life would be a poem without words
can't You see that my existence entirely depends on You
yes, it's true, 'cause I got you

(Deliverance / Paul Janz)

That "can't You see" part clearly is a rhetorical question, because He does, of course, see all this. :)

Sadly, I can't find a recording of this song on the web, so an instrumental version will have to do. I love this song, and first got to know its German version (Vergiss es nie / Du bist du) which is quite different in regard to the lyrics. It focuses more on what it means to be alive, and that every single person on this planet is loved by God the way they are, which is a really beautiful and true thought!

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Goosebumps and tears. But in the most beautiful way you could imagine. Some of our actors really played their hearts out. They gave us the raw power and beauty you only find in the first performance of an unrehearsed scene.

That's why I love these people so much!

Friday, 10 June 2011

Again, one of these days when everything that happens just fits into the picture of a nice Friday.

After my seminar I went to buy groceries. It may sound like the most boring thing ever, but it isn't, actually. It's a nice way to finish my college week, knowing that the weekend has finally arrived after an exhausting week, and I can sit back and relax.

And did I mention I like sunsets and their reflections in the windows I see when I look outside?

Thursday, 9 June 2011

I have the privilege of attending two seminars by one of the best lecturers ever! When I'm close to giving up on it all again, he'll be standing next to me all of a sudden, and tell me someting that will make my day.

He thinks I'm pretty good at translating. (Major boost of self-confidence!) My presentation was well done. (And I thought I'd completely made a fool of myself!) There's hardly anything to criticize about my term paper. (I had considered not handing it in at all because I thought I would fail anyway.) He enjoys listening to me reading Latin verses. (I thought having to read Latin aloud was the second-worst thing about studying this language!) He knows I'm working hard.

Okay, the last bit may not always be true, but if that's his perception of me, it means there's something I'm actually doing right.

When I turn up at his seminar on Thurdsay morning, unprepared, I never get to hear any reproaches. And that distinguishes him from a lot of lecturers I know.

He appreciates me attending the seminar. (It's not even mandatory for me!) Is there any better compliment?

He makes me translate on the spot if I'm not prepared to give a translation. It's so hard sometimes...



... but in a positive way. It's worth it. :)

And it's so lovely to leave college at noon (after the most boring lecture on literature ever) and take the tram (Don't we all love crowded trams?) to my former school. And after complaining for a bit, I realize how beautiful my life actually is. I get to spend one afternoon a week with a few of the most lovely girls I know.

When we were outside this afternoon, playing with a skipping rope, the principal walked by and told me how happy she was that there were so many girls taking part in this afternoon activity.

When I came home afterwards, I found my grandma chatting with my cousin who only visits us once or twice a year. We had quite a thought-provoking conversation, and she really inspired me to stand up for the things I believe in.

What a great day that was! :)

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Somtimes I look back at a day and I can't remember what I actually did with all my time. As I'm writing this, I can't recall. But 'm sure it was a pretty average day that could have been an awesome day if I had paid more attention.

But most Wednesdays are like that. I mostly commit my Wednesdays to studying Greek. And it's such a beautiful language, actually.

One of my favourite memories is reading John 1:1 in Greek for the first time and figuring out what the particular words meant.

Ἐν ἀρχῇ ἦν ὁ λόγος, καὶ ὁ λόγος ἦν πρὸς τὸν θεόν, καὶ θεὸς ἦν ὁ λόγος.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (NIV)

Just looking at the state my textbook is in, one could think I work really hard and should be able to read the Greek New Testament fluently by now.



But I'm not. Laziness gets in the way.

Nevertheless, I keep trying. It's worth it. :)

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

College can be quite frustrating, sometimes it all seems so pointless. But when you're about to give up on it, God sends someone your way to remind you that there's a purpose behind everything.

Half an hour before the most dreadful seminar of the week, a former teacher ran into me as I was waiting for a friend. She challenged me to finally face my fears, and I was quite angry at first. But I took her advice, I attended the seminar (goodness, what a waste of lifetime! I thought) - and I made it through! I'm so going to celebrate the end of the semester, but now I know I can do it, I will be able to endure the seminar and the quirky professor until the end.

I know God can even use experiences like that to change me for the better.

Monday, 6 June 2011

The most beautiful thing about this day was a concert I attended. I'll let the music speak. It says much more than I could say with a million words. <3

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Nothing all that exciting happened on Sunday, so I'm going to write a little more about Saturday.

After drama practice, I went to a girls' meeting a few people from my church started a few weeks ago. I hadn't actually been too keen on going there, because Saturdays are always quite exhausting. So beautiful, but exhausting.

That evening, we talked about beauty and self-image. It's alarming to see how many people, mostly women and girls, have to cope with feelings of inferiority, especially when it comes to their appearance. One of the girls showed this video to us: The Evolution of Beauty

I had seen it before, but it's a sad reminder of the media's impact on people's definition of beauty. But hey, listen! You don't have to change yourself to be beautiful; you already are beautiful. You don't have to change yourself to be loved. If someone truly loves you, they will accept you for who you are.

Because you are beautiful the way you are.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

So, what is my favourite place to be? A gym, way too cold in winter, way too hot in summer.



It's the place I spend all my Saturdays, being around the craziest, most amazing bunch of people you could possibly imagine. Sometimes I feel pretty useless, but at our drama practices, I feel welcome, I feel needed and accepted for who I am. It's one of the most important things that keep me going. I don't like acting myself, but I love watching these talented people, actors, musicians, artists... And I love being part of all this, contributing a little to the big picture.

And it's the same with God's Kingdom. I was recently reminded that, when I gave my life to Christ, I received at least one spiritual gift He wants me to use for the benefit of my fellow believers. And besides that, there are many other things, talents and abilities, that He gifts people with. But he doesn't force anyone to use them. It's up to me if I do good with them or not. That's quite a bit of responsibility. But I want to take this responsibility and do good... to the best of my abilities... And even beyond, with God's help. :)

Friday, 3 June 2011

Fridays are my favourite days at college. I have only one class, Latin metrics, and it's taught by my favourite Latin lecturer.

I was talking to him on the way outside, and he paid me one of the nicest compliments a lecturer could possibly pay one of their students. He said he really enjoyed listening to me reading Latin verses. He even asked me whether I'd read works by this particular author in Latin class at school because I seemed to do it effortlessly. (And I'd never actually figured out how this metrics stuff works before this semester!)

He really knows how to encourage his students. :-)

Afterwards, I met up with a dear friend from church. We spent the afternoon playing the guitar and singing, and we had dinner together.

One of our favourite songs to sing goes like this:

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

(Hillsong - Mighty to Save)

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Thursday was Ascension Day, so I had a day off from college. That was pretty good because it meant that this week, I had to do a lot less work for college than usually. I had a great afternoon with a few people from church, we played volleyball, talked and had a barbecue in the evening.

That's living life to the fullest. Finding joy in the simple things.

Well if you want to sing out, sing out.
And if you want to be free, be free.
'Cause there's a million things to be.
You know that there are.
And if you want to live high, live high.
And if you want to live low, live low.
'Cause there's a million ways to go.
You know that there are.

(Cat Stevens - If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out)

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

I didn't do anything too exciting on Wednesday, but sometimes, it's the small things that make a day enjoyable. I only had to get up late in the morning, the weather was lovely, and I didn't have to do any homework that day.

There are days when I'm just happy to be alive, to be able to enjoy what life has in store.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

I got done with my presentation. I thought it was pretty awful, because the lecturer has this somewhat annoying quirk: he keeps interrupting his students and talking and talking, when they're actually supposed to be the ones who are speaking mostly. But I survived it. And he thought it was pretty good; at least he said so. You can't tell if he means it when he says something like that, or if he's just being polite. But I don't mind.

After the seminar, I talked to a fellow student who is a lot like me in some ways. Both of us are way more interested in the language of a text than its actual contents. We agreed that this particular seminar is not worth bothering much. And I'm glad there's someone else who thinks so.

As we stood talking in the hall, my favourite lecturer walked past, smiled at us and wished us a nice evening. That made my day. :)

The afternoon was pretty good too. I met up with a friend and managed to keep my mind off the presentation for a while. I met this former classmate again, that I had run into the day before, and a few other people my friend was meeting up with. We spent more than half an hour waiting for the "herder's cheese baguette" we had ordered, which was actually quite fun.

Monday, 30 May 2011

On Monday, I attended my favourite lecture of the week. I learned quite a bit about myself, and that's remarkable, considering that there are possibly around 400 people, if not more, attending that particular lecture. Still, at some points I felt like the lecturer was saying all this just for me.

I learned that it's not good to push myself too much and try to keep working beyond my attention span. Breaks are important. I am not a machine, so I don't have to work like a machine either.

I worked on my presentation which I was to give on Tuesday. I felt some kind of pleasant anticipation, not because I like giving presentations, but because I knew it would be over soon and then I'd be able to enjoy my free time again.

In the morning, I had met a fellow student at the tram station and we had a nice chat on the way to college. Since I don't really talk to a lot of people, I am so happy I've found another girl I get along with so well. We talked about the presentation I was working on, and she really encouraged me, saying that I'd probably be doing it well anyway, and that it didn't actually matter all that much if I didn't.

I had lunch with a few friends, including two people from my drama group, and I met up with another friend in the afternoon. I had my favourite soup and we shared a milkshake afterwards.

Before lunch, I encountered a former classmate and we talked for a bit. We hadn't excactly been friends before and I was surprised how nice he was to me.

The entire day was a beautiful gift from God to me. And I am so thankful! :)

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Today I was able to recover all data from my hard drive that had stopped working a week ago. As far as I've checked, I haven't lost anything, my writing, my pictures and everything else is still there! A friend of my father's managed to make everything work again. I'm so thankful! :)
He even refused to accept the thank-you present we wanted to give to him. He never accepts anything in return for the work he does for us. And he's helped us many times before! What an inspiring example of selflessness... Giving without expecting to be paid back. I would love to be like that... Well, I trust the Lord that He's leading me in the right direction... I may not be rich or influential, but there are still some things I can do. And I hope I can make a few people smile. :)

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Usually, I don't spend Saturday evenings hanging out with friends from my drama group, but yesterday, I decided to do so because it was a friend's birthday this week. I knew I had to do lots of work for college, but still, I went with them and it was a nice evening.

One of my friends drank a bit too much. I just wonder why anyone would want to get drunk like that. It just doesn't make sense to me. But then, I guess I'm just not used to hanging out with people who go partying on a somewhat regular basis. I know most people are perfectly capable of handling alcohol responsibly, but apparently, not all. And I thought that was pretty sad. Why do some people feel they have to get drunk?

But I realized I have so many reasons to be thankful. Because there is more to life than that.


I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

(Stacie Orrico - More to Life)

Friday, 27 May 2011

On Friday I had a really good conversation on the phone with a friend. I told her about this passage from Mark 10 which I'd been thinking about for a few days. It contains the well-known verse "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27)

And although I thought... She's probaby heard it a million times before... she told me how it was a blessing for her to be reminded of this great truth again.

Good to know that, even when I'm not explicitly aware of it, God can still use me to speak to others if I'm willing to let Him use me. And I will continue to grow more and more into his likeness... day by day.


Sometimes I think of 1 Corinthians 13 in random situations...



... but the greatest of these is Love. :)

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Thursdays are always quite busy and exhausting. I didn't get around to actually doing much of what I'd planned to do, except putting up a few post-it notes. Yes, I was procrastinating again. Only a few more days until the presentation. I was aware of that all day. But when asked how I'm doing at the moment, I was still able to name all the positive things first. At the moment, I just can't be bothered to work on it, but unlike usually, I don't feel all that anxious. I guess I will be pretty nervous right before the presentation (and this time, I have to do it all by myself) but I know I will manage. This professor, after all, is only human - like everyone else. It's rather unlikely to die from embarrassment, so even if I did actually mess up this thing, it wouldn't be that tragic. No bad grade, nothing.

And life is not a popularity contest. It's just that - life. A million chances to do good. If I mess up once, the next chance will be right at hand. And God is not resentful. He isn't going to tell me I've messed up a bit too often and I'm a lost cause. Each day, He is willing to change me to become a little more like He wants me to be. I just have to let Him do His work.

And in Him, I know I have the strength to keep going...

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

(Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On)


Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

(Snow Patrol - Run)

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

The past two days had been going so well, but today I was back at where I had started. It's not as easy as I thought. To love my neighbor as I love myself. Rich Mullins once wrote:

Most people dislike their names much like they dislike their noses or ears or eye-brows - it's pretty much just a symptom of adolescent self-contempt.

And to love my neighbor as I love myself means ridding myself of this self-contempt. But at the same time, it means deflating my ego. I waste so much time being wrapped up in self-pity. Valuable time that could be used to do good.

Generally speaking, I waste way too much time on meaningless things. I procrastinate. A lot. I am to give a short presentation on Tuesday, and I haven't even started working on it. And most of the day, I was pretty annoyed at myself for my lack of determination to get this thing done. But I didn't actually do anything about it, thus making myself feel even worse. Not really a helpful strategy to improve my well-being.

Having a positive view on life is a powerful tool to help me break free from depression but apparently, it's not the ultimate answer. There is more to that. I keep going back to the place where I found the following words written on a wall:



(You are not alone. Someone loves you.)

Whenever I check again, I'm excited to see if something new has been added to it. Right next to these words, it says, in different handwritings, things like:

Jesus, for example.

and

Jesus lives!

Today in Greek class we read a passage from Mark 10 where a rich young man asks Jesus what he needs to do to have eternal life. The bit where Jesus tells his disciples that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God was not included in our textbook, but we talked about the entire passage for a bit. During that discussion, I wanted to jump from my seat and shout:

Hey guys! This passage is not about God forbidding people to be rich! It's about priorities.

Worldly possessions are insignificant when it comes to the real truths. It is impossible for a camel to go through the eye of a needle... unless God takes action. Because with Him all things are possible. Through Him, salvation that would otherwise be impossible is possible. He doesn't care how much money you have in the bank.

And that's a beautiful thought.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Today I spent most of my Latin Grammar class making post-it notes with small messages like the one in the picture. It may seem rather pointless to some people but I believe in the saying that a small kindness can go a long way.



Today, I decided that college classes are not worth stressing over. I worked on today's assignment, I didn't get to do all of it, but I was still able to go to that class I had in the evening without feeling anxious. For the past few days, I have been feeling way better than I'd been feeling for months, probably years. Life is such a beautiful thing if you actually take the time to look at your surroundings and pluck up the courage to talk to people. I've been able to settle things with someone I hadn't been talking to for months because of a mistake I had made. I've met new people, I've even made a few friends. I've realized that, for now, my mission is to be kind, plainly speaking, to be human. For some reason, the hardest things is to be kind towards those who are closest to me - my family. But with patience and most of all, with God's help, I know I will manage eventually. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The lecturer mentioned in yesterday's post deserves credit for most of this, because basically, he is the one who inspired it. Maybe I will show this to him at some point in the distant future. For now, I will keep his identity to myself because I feel it's the right thing to do. I don't want to mix up personal and academic things again.

Actually, there are so many amazing, inspiring, beautiful people out there that would deserve to be named. One of them is a dear friend of mine who has a blog called Love Movement. She is a supporter of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms), GivesMeHope and Operation Beautiful. One of her goals is to spread their messages of hope among German-speaking people as well. A big thanks goes out to her for sharing these positive thoughts!

Monday, 23 May 2011

A lovely day and two interesting conversations with lecturers. The first one encouraged me to keep working hard on my Latin, and the second one inspired me to create this blog. Before his lecture, he showed us a picture of a building in New Orleans on which it says "You Are Beautiful".



That totally made my day. And it reminded me how much even a small act of kindness can mean. Afterwards, I told him that I like his lectures, and he told me that it felt good to hear that. Hearing his reaction made me feel even happier.

Somehow, this short conversation really moved me. Life consists of a million chances to do good. It's up to me to take them.

I drew this during his lecture: