Tuesday, 31 May 2011

I got done with my presentation. I thought it was pretty awful, because the lecturer has this somewhat annoying quirk: he keeps interrupting his students and talking and talking, when they're actually supposed to be the ones who are speaking mostly. But I survived it. And he thought it was pretty good; at least he said so. You can't tell if he means it when he says something like that, or if he's just being polite. But I don't mind.

After the seminar, I talked to a fellow student who is a lot like me in some ways. Both of us are way more interested in the language of a text than its actual contents. We agreed that this particular seminar is not worth bothering much. And I'm glad there's someone else who thinks so.

As we stood talking in the hall, my favourite lecturer walked past, smiled at us and wished us a nice evening. That made my day. :)

The afternoon was pretty good too. I met up with a friend and managed to keep my mind off the presentation for a while. I met this former classmate again, that I had run into the day before, and a few other people my friend was meeting up with. We spent more than half an hour waiting for the "herder's cheese baguette" we had ordered, which was actually quite fun.

Monday, 30 May 2011

On Monday, I attended my favourite lecture of the week. I learned quite a bit about myself, and that's remarkable, considering that there are possibly around 400 people, if not more, attending that particular lecture. Still, at some points I felt like the lecturer was saying all this just for me.

I learned that it's not good to push myself too much and try to keep working beyond my attention span. Breaks are important. I am not a machine, so I don't have to work like a machine either.

I worked on my presentation which I was to give on Tuesday. I felt some kind of pleasant anticipation, not because I like giving presentations, but because I knew it would be over soon and then I'd be able to enjoy my free time again.

In the morning, I had met a fellow student at the tram station and we had a nice chat on the way to college. Since I don't really talk to a lot of people, I am so happy I've found another girl I get along with so well. We talked about the presentation I was working on, and she really encouraged me, saying that I'd probably be doing it well anyway, and that it didn't actually matter all that much if I didn't.

I had lunch with a few friends, including two people from my drama group, and I met up with another friend in the afternoon. I had my favourite soup and we shared a milkshake afterwards.

Before lunch, I encountered a former classmate and we talked for a bit. We hadn't excactly been friends before and I was surprised how nice he was to me.

The entire day was a beautiful gift from God to me. And I am so thankful! :)

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Today I was able to recover all data from my hard drive that had stopped working a week ago. As far as I've checked, I haven't lost anything, my writing, my pictures and everything else is still there! A friend of my father's managed to make everything work again. I'm so thankful! :)
He even refused to accept the thank-you present we wanted to give to him. He never accepts anything in return for the work he does for us. And he's helped us many times before! What an inspiring example of selflessness... Giving without expecting to be paid back. I would love to be like that... Well, I trust the Lord that He's leading me in the right direction... I may not be rich or influential, but there are still some things I can do. And I hope I can make a few people smile. :)

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Usually, I don't spend Saturday evenings hanging out with friends from my drama group, but yesterday, I decided to do so because it was a friend's birthday this week. I knew I had to do lots of work for college, but still, I went with them and it was a nice evening.

One of my friends drank a bit too much. I just wonder why anyone would want to get drunk like that. It just doesn't make sense to me. But then, I guess I'm just not used to hanging out with people who go partying on a somewhat regular basis. I know most people are perfectly capable of handling alcohol responsibly, but apparently, not all. And I thought that was pretty sad. Why do some people feel they have to get drunk?

But I realized I have so many reasons to be thankful. Because there is more to life than that.


I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

(Stacie Orrico - More to Life)

Friday, 27 May 2011

On Friday I had a really good conversation on the phone with a friend. I told her about this passage from Mark 10 which I'd been thinking about for a few days. It contains the well-known verse "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27)

And although I thought... She's probaby heard it a million times before... she told me how it was a blessing for her to be reminded of this great truth again.

Good to know that, even when I'm not explicitly aware of it, God can still use me to speak to others if I'm willing to let Him use me. And I will continue to grow more and more into his likeness... day by day.


Sometimes I think of 1 Corinthians 13 in random situations...



... but the greatest of these is Love. :)

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Thursdays are always quite busy and exhausting. I didn't get around to actually doing much of what I'd planned to do, except putting up a few post-it notes. Yes, I was procrastinating again. Only a few more days until the presentation. I was aware of that all day. But when asked how I'm doing at the moment, I was still able to name all the positive things first. At the moment, I just can't be bothered to work on it, but unlike usually, I don't feel all that anxious. I guess I will be pretty nervous right before the presentation (and this time, I have to do it all by myself) but I know I will manage. This professor, after all, is only human - like everyone else. It's rather unlikely to die from embarrassment, so even if I did actually mess up this thing, it wouldn't be that tragic. No bad grade, nothing.

And life is not a popularity contest. It's just that - life. A million chances to do good. If I mess up once, the next chance will be right at hand. And God is not resentful. He isn't going to tell me I've messed up a bit too often and I'm a lost cause. Each day, He is willing to change me to become a little more like He wants me to be. I just have to let Him do His work.

And in Him, I know I have the strength to keep going...

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

(Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On)


Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

(Snow Patrol - Run)

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

The past two days had been going so well, but today I was back at where I had started. It's not as easy as I thought. To love my neighbor as I love myself. Rich Mullins once wrote:

Most people dislike their names much like they dislike their noses or ears or eye-brows - it's pretty much just a symptom of adolescent self-contempt.

And to love my neighbor as I love myself means ridding myself of this self-contempt. But at the same time, it means deflating my ego. I waste so much time being wrapped up in self-pity. Valuable time that could be used to do good.

Generally speaking, I waste way too much time on meaningless things. I procrastinate. A lot. I am to give a short presentation on Tuesday, and I haven't even started working on it. And most of the day, I was pretty annoyed at myself for my lack of determination to get this thing done. But I didn't actually do anything about it, thus making myself feel even worse. Not really a helpful strategy to improve my well-being.

Having a positive view on life is a powerful tool to help me break free from depression but apparently, it's not the ultimate answer. There is more to that. I keep going back to the place where I found the following words written on a wall:



(You are not alone. Someone loves you.)

Whenever I check again, I'm excited to see if something new has been added to it. Right next to these words, it says, in different handwritings, things like:

Jesus, for example.

and

Jesus lives!

Today in Greek class we read a passage from Mark 10 where a rich young man asks Jesus what he needs to do to have eternal life. The bit where Jesus tells his disciples that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God was not included in our textbook, but we talked about the entire passage for a bit. During that discussion, I wanted to jump from my seat and shout:

Hey guys! This passage is not about God forbidding people to be rich! It's about priorities.

Worldly possessions are insignificant when it comes to the real truths. It is impossible for a camel to go through the eye of a needle... unless God takes action. Because with Him all things are possible. Through Him, salvation that would otherwise be impossible is possible. He doesn't care how much money you have in the bank.

And that's a beautiful thought.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Today I spent most of my Latin Grammar class making post-it notes with small messages like the one in the picture. It may seem rather pointless to some people but I believe in the saying that a small kindness can go a long way.



Today, I decided that college classes are not worth stressing over. I worked on today's assignment, I didn't get to do all of it, but I was still able to go to that class I had in the evening without feeling anxious. For the past few days, I have been feeling way better than I'd been feeling for months, probably years. Life is such a beautiful thing if you actually take the time to look at your surroundings and pluck up the courage to talk to people. I've been able to settle things with someone I hadn't been talking to for months because of a mistake I had made. I've met new people, I've even made a few friends. I've realized that, for now, my mission is to be kind, plainly speaking, to be human. For some reason, the hardest things is to be kind towards those who are closest to me - my family. But with patience and most of all, with God's help, I know I will manage eventually. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The lecturer mentioned in yesterday's post deserves credit for most of this, because basically, he is the one who inspired it. Maybe I will show this to him at some point in the distant future. For now, I will keep his identity to myself because I feel it's the right thing to do. I don't want to mix up personal and academic things again.

Actually, there are so many amazing, inspiring, beautiful people out there that would deserve to be named. One of them is a dear friend of mine who has a blog called Love Movement. She is a supporter of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms), GivesMeHope and Operation Beautiful. One of her goals is to spread their messages of hope among German-speaking people as well. A big thanks goes out to her for sharing these positive thoughts!

Monday, 23 May 2011

A lovely day and two interesting conversations with lecturers. The first one encouraged me to keep working hard on my Latin, and the second one inspired me to create this blog. Before his lecture, he showed us a picture of a building in New Orleans on which it says "You Are Beautiful".



That totally made my day. And it reminded me how much even a small act of kindness can mean. Afterwards, I told him that I like his lectures, and he told me that it felt good to hear that. Hearing his reaction made me feel even happier.

Somehow, this short conversation really moved me. Life consists of a million chances to do good. It's up to me to take them.

I drew this during his lecture: